Journey

Five years ago I was completely miserable.  I was a first time mom missing all the firsts, spending more time at work and in my car than with my family.  I was giving my all to my guys, work and friends but feeling like I absolutely failed at all of it.  

My heart just wanted more.  More happiness, more time, more purpose.  Crying everyday in my office, car or closet was not fun anymore (if it ever was) and definitely wasn't a way to live.  

I decided I needed to start by enjoying my job again.  After making an effort at my firm, the commute continued to absolutely suck, sometimes being three hours one way. So I found a great corporate job that was new, exciting and much closer to home.  The company's core values were in line with my own, they just created the position and team, so I felt like I really had a purpose and could make a difference.  In my overachiever head, less commute meant I got to work more and make my difference.  I would be in the office by 6am, leave around 6pm, do the family thing for a bit and jump back on the computer from 9pm until 1amish.  Go to bed, then get up and do it all again.  Perfect recipe for burn out.  

After two and a half years of this, it happened, I crashed and everything seemed to be going down the can royally. We had a lot of turnover on the team, the work kept piling up and I hadn't had a vacation since my maternity leave shortIy after I started.   I decided I needed a new job.  But then it hit me.  It wasn't the job, I did this.  

There's a very old saying and a great mindfulness book by Jon Kabat-Zinn "Wherever You Go, There You Are."  Yes, there you are.

And there I was.  Tired and still not being the mom I wanted to be or the leader I should be.  If I leave, who's to say I will not do this again?   I needed to make changes in myself not my surroundings.  

If family was so important, why was I not making that time sacred? Why was I still reading emails and taking calls during family time? If I cared about myself, why was I not taking time off and taking care of my body? I needed to re-evaluate priorities and implement boundaries around them.  

So it started.  I began blocking times off in my calendar, for family time and honoring it.  No phones, no computer, no TV.  Just family.  I started blocking 2 days a week for no meetings so I can focus on action items or be available for my team.  I started working from home once a week to get the kids off to school, pick ups and even volunteer time at school.  I started incorporating a yoga/meditation routine in the mornings, learning more about nutrient dense eating and working with a life coach to implement powerful changes in my life and my career.  

I have a new life.  Once I tapped into my happiness and presence, I realized I still wanted more - to make a difference, to be change.  During my misery in public accounting I had done some soul searching and realized I had wanted to go into coaching.  I wanted to be that person that I could have gone to when I was a brand new mom, chasing a promotion and trying to find myself and my passion.  After four years of putting it on hold until this or that happened, I had no more excuses.  It was time.  

It's pretty surreal that a year ago I had signed up for the July iPEC coaching program and I've finally graduated and passed my oral exam.  I wasn't sure how I'd fit in all the classes, peer coaching, mentor coaching, peer groups and homework, but it all fell into place.  I have officially received a certification in coaching! 

My journey hasn't ended, it's just starting and I'm so excited to be on it and right here where I should be, with all the twists and turns that have come with it.  

I would love to hear from you in the comment section...

Two parter:

Where are you on your journey?

What have you been putting on hold?