It’s been a few weeks since that day.
Mine does. Yours does. But not for a dear friend.
When we experience a passing, life around us blurs, slows and is disorienting how everything else just continues at it’s regular fast pace. It’s as if we are playing freeze tag and we’ve been frozen while the chase goes on.
It will never go on in the same manner. It will always be ever so slightly off.
That day will stay with me to go back to in my memory bank, for as long as I hold memories.
The strength she had until the very end. The color of her beautiful clear blue eyes. The soft smoothness of her bald head. The perfectly pedicured bright red toe nails and gorgeous feet ready for the beach. Her pale lovely soft skin. Her freckles. All of her beautiful angel kissed freckles.
Her beauty was deeper than any of this.
Her beauty was in her smile. Her laughter.
The shock and surprise on her face when someone of long past came to visit her.
The words “she’s really tired, she’s had a long fight” stabbed me directly in the heart.
I found out she was in the hospital as I drove home and all I could do was swear up and down at the excessively slow traffic, while needing to find a spot to pull over and learn more.
I needed to learn where I needed to be physically and to calm myself down to get to a place where I could be of support and love internally.
We didn’t see each other often, but I knew she was there. On the other side of the water for me to text, to say hi and check in with.
The thought of not ever seeing her again or picking up the phone to reach out, was daunting and heavy.
Heavy. If it’s heavy for me, it’s that much heavier for her family and her beautiful little girl that got to enjoy her daily.
A few days of uncertainty and wanting to selfishly grab as many moments with her, even to just sit there while she slept.
The day of transition was surreal. Lots of tears. Memories. Laughing. More tears. It was a conflicting mix of sadness and happiness to see her gone, but she was finally at peace. Free of pain.
I feel honored to have spent those moments with people I know she loved more than anything and loved her with the same intensity.
As we left the hospital it was an amazingly beautiful day with puffy white cotton ball clouds floating over lazily in the clear blue sky. The sun and air warmed us after a day in the cool air conditioned room. It felt like a good travel day to heaven for its newest angel.
The beautiful sunset that night felt like a wave and a hug. I wanted to soak it all in as if trying to soak up her essence to take with me for the rest of my own journey. Her strength, her softness, her love.
Today I had an urge to text to say Hi, thinking of you beautiful.” And I knew it would just be a message I whispered in hopes of her hearing. And that’s ok. Because I know angels hear all.
My friends that are still here - do not discount your impact even for the briefest of moments in your day as you connect with other humans.
You mean something. You are loved. Be love and show love the best you can even in your hardest battles. THAT is the impact my dear friend has left with me and will be my gift to others as I move forward in the world.
We all leave our lasting impressions....What do you want your lasting impression to be?